George Bush in History

Georgie-Porgy Double-U
Georgie-Porgy shame on you
Georgie-Porgy stuck in poo
Georgie-Porgy in a stew
Georgie-Porgy boo, boo, boo
Yada, Yada, Yada! [add your own next line]
by Charlie Leck

Perhaps he is star-crossed. It would have taken an extraordinary human being – one of the type that only comes along every century or so – to handle the catastrophes that this President has so unsuccessfully faced. George-Double-U, the poor old schmoo, has really had it really tough.

• The attack on the World Trade Towers and the Pentagon.
  
• An astonishing, unneeded invasion of a nation with whose culture and mores we were totally out of touch.
  
• A massive earthquake that tore out the heart of a major American city.
  
• Now an economy gone completely batty and hanging on the edge of disaster.

Now, these are events that would take enormous talent and leadership and none of us should have expected that George would do well in handling them. I guess we must have thought, when we elected him, that he'd be able to pass his time jogging and playing Parcheesi. It's no wonder we're a nation in virtual melt-down and ruin. Poor George! I really feel sorry for him.

What was he to do? You know, he tried to surround himself with "the best and the brightest," and he figured that would do it: Richard ("the dick") Cheney, Donald ("the dork") Rumsfeld and Carl ("the cockelhead") Rowe. Well, Double-U should be forgiven! One must have, you know, just an inkling about who might be the best and who might be the brightest. George didn't read that book! And, he didn't get to that class at Yale. My, but Yale must be embarrassed.

Then, my goodness, George got caught in that little teenage spat between Rumsfeld and the capable CIA Director, George Tenet. There they were, these two incorrigibles, sticking their tongues out at one another and screaming about one's father being tougher than the other guy's old man. It was right there that Double-U's problems began and he didn't recognize it. Tenet was recommending a tough, but small, force that would deal with that Sadam Hussein fellow in Iraq. But no, Rumsfeld was the head of the Defense Department, and, therefore, all military operations for the U.S., and he wanted to be the "dummy in the middle" or he was going to take his ball and go home. Of course, Dickey Cheney encouraged Georgie to go along with Donny because they all needed to have the ball around the White House so they'd have something to do besides playing Parcheesi. Poor Mr. Powell, perhaps the only bright guy Georgie had on his team, was just made fun of because he was such a smarty-pants about everything. What fun is that?

So, they got rid of smarty-pants Powell and they kicked out Tenet over at the CIA. They made fun of anyone who didn't like their war. "What a big scaredy-cat!" They ran around the playground, singing it out at anyone who wondered about their fun little war.

"We'll be in and out in no time. Mission accomplished! No one even hurt or scratch, hurt or scratched, hurt or scratched!"

So Donny got his way about calling the game "Shock and Awe," and what else do you need to know? Here we are, five years and 3.5 trillion dollars later, and our economy is in ruins and New Orleans still isn't rebuilt and the guy who knocked down the World Trade Towers is still out there giggling at Georgie-Porgy! And, oh yes, there's no end in sight; for this war just keeps dragging on and on and costing us all our lunch-money.

Georgie says we don't have money for schools; yet, we could have rebuilt every school in America and given all our teachers handsome raises for just what it cost to invade Iraq. On top of that, we could have secured Social Security and Medicare for another generation. Can you count the ways you could have spent 3.5 trillion dollars on our nation? Double-U did not take counting at Yale. He was too busy with that 99-bottles-of-beer-on-the-shelf game.

So, Georgie Double-U is almost home free. In another few months he'll begin planning his library, trying to figure out where to put his little picture book. He'll be going back to the ranch to write his memoirs (oops, sorry, forget I wrote that).

So what do we do now? As the ever-so-bright nation we are, we're probably going to choose John McCain to run the asylum. Not a bad choice. Like Georgie, with glazed over eyes, he can just keep looking into the camera's lens with a big smile on his kisser. He'll probably hire that smart fellow who ran that Bear Stearns Bank and let him really run the country. What's his name? Little Alan Schwartz! Oh yes! He's got a big green ball and he's so much fun! Like Georgie, he missed the class on counting.

However, I can count. I didn't miss that class. Over 1 million Iraqi citizens have been killed by the invasion and our subsequent occupation. And, over 4,000 American military personnel – most of them lovely and promising young people – have been killed in the war.

But, who's worried? None but the lonely, unheard prophets!

Double-U did not take the class on the prophets either.