Buy Yourself a Congressman!

You want to own your own U.S. Congressman? Anyone can do it – anyone, that is, who has a billion dollars or more! Step right up! Put down the campaign cash! And then he’s all yours!
by Charlie Leck

Listen, pal! It’s easy. You want to own the U.S. Congressman from the third district in Minnesota? Or the second district in Arizona? You got it! All you’ve got to do is put down the required amount of money and he’s yours. And, it’s all legal according to an organization called SCOTUS – the Supreme Court of the United States. Just don’t give the money directly to the congressman; but give it to a PAC (political action committee) that you create on his/her behalf. The PAC will do all the advertising and direct the candidate to campaign in very carefully planned manners. Of course, you’ll direct the planning.

Voila! That’s all there is to it. Get started now and, in November, you will own a congressman. If you want help, give me a call and I’ll tell you how to spend your hundreds of millions of dollars. The advertising industry just can’t wait for you to get started.

Now, the United States Congress is giving some semi-serious thought to ending all this absurdity that SCOTUS has allowed. The Senate is chatting about a constitutional amendment that might undo the big court’s stupid decision. Several of these big billionaires don’t want such an amendment, of course. Such action would put an end to the enormous power such people have over national elections. Take the Koch brothers, as just one example! They have hired a lobbying firm to represent them and to engage various senators in conversations about stopping this nonsense. Oh, yes! There are some big companies with a stake in this too and they are putting up big money with such lobbying firms to stop the amendment – companies like General Motors (can you believe it?), Walmart (oh, my!) and Exxon Mobil (which hates cleaning up their oil residue messes)!

If you’re one who doesn’t want such a constitutional amendment and you enjoy living in a country run by big money interests, don’t even spend a moment of worry. It ain’t gonna happen because the Koch brothers don’t want it too.

And, oh yes, the Koch brothers (according to the New York Times) have also hired a lobbyist to work against “issues related to wind energy production tax credits.” Yup! I know it’s like working against motherhood, baseball and apple pie, but that’s what they’re doing.

Now, all you billionaires out there, give me a call and we’ll talk about how you can own your own congressman. I’ll only charge you a few hundred thousand to set the whole thing up for you.

America! What a great country!

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