WHAT IS A GRANDPARENT?

If you’re particularly sensitive grandparents, you might not appreciate the following. If you’re old farts who want a good laugh, you’ll love it.
by Charlie Leck

I’m writing quite a bit these days about being a grandparent and about my own grandparents and great-grandparents. Then, at just the moment when I was getting far too serious about the subject, a friend and reader from South Carolina sent along the following about Grandparents.

It claims to have been taken from papers written by a class of 8-year-olds… I think you’ll get a kick out of it!

• Grandparents are a lady and a man who have no little children of their own. They like other peoples.
• A grandfather is a man, & a grandmother is a lady!
• Grandparents don't have to do anything except be there when we come to see them.
• They are so old they shouldn't play hard or run. It is good if they drive us to the shops and give us money.
• When they take us for walks, they slow down past things like pretty leaves and caterpillars.
• They show us and talk to us about the colors of the flowers and also why we shouldn't step on 'cracks.'
• They don't say, 'Hurry up.'
• Usually grandmothers are fat but not too fat to tie your shoes
• They wear glasses and funny underwear.
• They can take their teeth and gums out.
• Grandparents don't have to be smart.
• They have to answer questions like 'Why isn't God married?' and 'How come dogs chase cats?'
• When they read to us, they don't skip. They don't mind if we ask for the same story over again.
• Everybody should try to have a grandmother, especially if you don't have television because they are the only grownups who like to spend time with us.
• They know we should have snack time before bed time and they say prayers with us and kiss us even when we've acted bad.
• A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma lived: “Oh,” he said, “she lives at the airport, and when we want her, we just go get her. Then when we’re done having her visit, we take her back to the airport.”
• “Grandpa is the smartest man on earth! He teaches me good things, but I don’t get to see him enough to get as smart as him!”
• It's funny when they bend over; you hear gas leaks, and they blame their dog.

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