Wednesday, July 8, 2009


Representative Tom Emmer, Esquire, has just announced he is running for governor. by Charlie Leck

Now this is true folks: I spent about a half hour laughing myself silly. I rolled on the floor and got up and fell ass over tea kettle. I stammered and gasped and fought for regular, easy breaths.

I was in panic mode and my heart beats were out of hand. I had to shift into that calm down gear to get my blood pressure under control. It took the longest time to get command of myself again.
Then, I started imagining the possible scenarios.

You readers who are not from Minnesota will need to forgive me. You simply won’t understand, but here is the great fantasy that I have created in the window of my mind.

We shall have in 2010 an election of a new Governor here in Minnesota. Let’s imagine that the scoundrel and nincompoop, Tom Emmer, wins the nomination from the Republican Party. Now remember, I told you that I am talking about fantasies here. Then, the Democrats turn around and nominate a current Minnesota State Senator named John Marty.

Oh, my God, it would be the most hysterical political campaign in the history of the United States and, perhaps, in the history of the world.

First, you would start off with Mr. Brilliance (Marty) against Mr. Ignorance (Emmer). Could you imagine them in a campaign debate? Emmer would be stammering around, trying to come up with words that weren’t obscene and Marty would be stumbling to find words that the average Minnesotan could understand.

Senator Marty is so far out on the left of the political spectrum that he makes this blogger seem like a colleague of the big dick Chaney (excuse me, but I think I could have punctuated that better). Emmer has no particular political position because he is far too stupid to iterate one. He is, however, so far out on the right that he is in danger of falling over the edge.

Can you imagine the two of them on the same stage (or venue) trying to communicate with one another? One would talk about the significance of Robespierre in the French Revolution and the other would be uttering, over and over again, “Duh! Duh!”
Emmer is a neighbor. He lives in the neighboring community, anyway. He used to live here in my town. He served on our city council. He was a total jerk. He loved to rant and rave, but there was no logic to his bumbling and absolutely no substance.

I would love to look at the files at the Minnesota Bar Association to see if there are any complaints against him. This is the perfect example of a lawyer who is practicing. He has never and never will go beyond the practicing level. How he ever got through law school is a question that should be investigated at the highest levels.

The first thing the opposition must do in regard to Representative Tom Emmer is an investigation of the State Bar Association to see how many complaints have been filed against him. Here’s my guess: There are plenty! At least, there are a number. The second thing they must do is look into his personal finances. There are rumors floating all about his home town about his failure to pay many of his debts. Are they just rumors? We need to know the truth about this. Let’s look into it!

The DustyTrice Blog did some investigating of Tom Emmer and found out that Thomas Earl Emmer has some serious traffic violations, including the use of alcohol, on his driving record. [Read DustryTrice’s comments here.]

Representative Emmer has a trigger-finger temper and it’s easy to set him off. And, when he’s angry, he is really dumber than the dumbest. He makes no sense at all when he rants and raves and he spends most of his life doing just that – that is, making no sense.

John Marty, on the other hand, uses perfect English in a manner that makes absolutely no sense. He is a bit like an English toff. He has a brilliant and famous father and he has tried to live off the old-man’s reputation. When State Senator John Marty speaks he sounds like Tom Emmer in reverse --- I think he uses Latin purposefully to confuse illiterates like Emmer and Jesse Ventura.

Here’s what we can hope for as Minnesotans – that Tom Emmer and John Marty will each win their party’s gubernatorial endorsement and that we will see them campaign against each other. In such a case the third party candidate, whoever it might be – including Donald Duck’s grandfather – will win in the general election and the entire population of the state will be laughing its heads off at the sheer stupidity of both major party candidates.

Do you want a taste of Tom Emmer?
The following is a really funny video of Emmer trying to answer a question about the age of the Earth…
He quite undeftly scoots around the issue.

Here’s another video of Emmer on the global warming debate, referring to Al Gore’s position as “environmental porn.” The man is an ultra conservative and let’s not forget it.

What Emmer is doing here is not public and open debate, but it’s an attempt to ridicule and degrade. It’s part of his methodology. Speak louder than the other guy and with anger in your voice and attitude and you’ll make the opposition fold. He tried that crap on me when he was a Councilman in our town. If you stand up to him and use his own tactics, he quickly folds.

This is not a man of substantial intelligence.

One of the pieces of legislation he pushed hard for was photo i.d. as a requirement to vote. While the whole state wants to make it easier to vote, Emmer goes the other way. There is not any substantial evidence of voter fraud in Minnesota, but Tom Emmer is always creating ghosts to chase. Photo i.d. for voters is not only a bad idea, but a giant waste of time.

And, for those interested, remember that Tom Emmer opposed the state wide smoking ban, saying it was an infringement of the people’s individual rights; yet, he opposes gay marriage.

The Twin Cities Daily Liberal made an astute observation about Emmer’s impact on the Republican Party, dragging it further to the right, and the benefits he would provide Democrats in a race for the governorship; that is, he’d eliminate rationale, thinking Republicans from his side of the ballot.

“Tom Emmer is a major right-wing extremist, but he has a legitimate chance of winning the position. If he does, he will continue the House Republican caucus’s rapid move toward the hard right. I really hope they choose Emmer, because they won’t recover from the choice for years. I’ve said time and time again on this blog that moving so sharply to the right is going to cost the Republicans a lot of votes. I’m looking forward to Emmer helping to prove me right.”
Emmer is a guy who offends many of his own party’s House members. He constantly slips into his tactic of offensive ridicule and shows the Rush Limbaugh side of his personality. In a debate in this past session about legalizing marijuana for medical purposes, Emmer proposed changing every instance in which the word “marijuana” was used to the word “pot” instead. That got a gagging giggle or two, but even most of the opposition saw the crudeness in the suggestion. Republican Representative Mark Buesgens, of Jordan, took issue with Emmer and essentially told him to knock it off: “We have a very serious issue in front of us. We are talking about the quality of people’s lives at the end of their lives, the sickest of the sick. It’s not a matter we should be joking about on the house floor.” A Democratic Representative told Emmer “You should be ashamed of yourself.”

With an unmistakable tone of anger in his voice, Emmer shouted back at Bisguens and the others who criticized him:

“I didn’t bring this here to be cute, to make a mockery. You are taking a drug that has serious consequences for young people in the country… So before you start mocking me for doing what I think is right, think about that! This is no joke!”
No one will ever accuse Emmer of being diplomatic or of knowing how to negotiate.

It’s amazing how Emmer doesn’t want the government to get involved in regulating how people live their lives (smoking), but still imposes the presence of the government in those choices that a physician and patient ought to be making about matters of life, death and health. Emmer’s problem is that he doesn’t have the intelligence to see or understand subtleties. Things to Emmer are black or white, red or blue. In terms of Minnesota’s great political traditions, Emmer is about as non-Minnesotan as a political candidate can get.

Emmer boasts that he’s had a number of GOP legislators call him and congratulate him for announcing his candidacy, but I’ll guaranty you that there are a larger number of his party’s State Senators and Representatives giggling and guffawing at the idea.

Here’s why I hope the Republicans, against all odds, endorse Emmer for the race: (1) he’ll make a fool out of himself in a campaign; (2) he’ll divide his own party because of his strong ideological stands; (3) he’ll drive financial donors away and he has no strong financial base of his own; and (4) at some point his anger will explode and he’ll blow up like a balloon and pop out there on the campaign trail.

I love this comment that was made about Emmer on the North Star Politics blog [read the entire comment]

“Doing wrong-headed things in a direct fashion isn't any better than doing wrong-headed things indirectly; in fact, it's worse. If Tom Emmer were doing great things, he would certainly be a model for other politicians, but being open about wanting to castrate people and take away benefits for pregnant women isn't good, it's just scary. I don't know if Emmer is a racist or hate-filled, as it says in the article, and I'm pretty sure that he's not a fascist. He is, however, an extreme right-winger who got checked too hard too many times during his hockey days.”
I know one thing for sure: If Tom Emmer gets his party’s endorsement to run for Governor, I’ll be giving the maximum legal amount to the campaign of his opponent in the DFL (unless, of course, they endorse John Marty).

Senator John Marty, on the other hand, is a man of my own political party affiliation; yet, the Lord knows, I would never vote for him. It’s one thing to be a progressive or a liberal. It is quite another to be incapable of seeing the spectrum of possibilities on an issue. Marty is so intransigent on issues that there is never a back-down with him and never a modifier nor a compromise on issues.

Like Marty’s position on issues, he is stiff and rigid when he stands before a podium to speak. I heard him crack a joke one time and I almost fainted. No one in his audience laughed, even though it was quite a good rib tickler, because they never expect a joke out of this State Senator who is known for total seriousness.
If there is anyone who the general public of Minnesota could dislike more than Tom Emmer, it is John Marty.

So bring them on! Let’s get the two of them endorsed and then we’ll have two of the funniest and most unsuccessful campaigns in the history of the state.

And, the Independence Party will win the race!

No comments:

Post a Comment