Friday, October 16, 2009

Rush Limbaugh (Part VI)

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Rush is a Vogon and that explains everything!
by Charlie Leck

A fellow down the street was chatting with my wife on the telephone the other day and happened to wonder why she never listened to Rush Limbaugh. Darling struggled for the correct words to describe her low opinion of the ultimate radio idiot, but such a portrayal is not something that dances lightly off the tip of a lady’s tongue. It takes considerable dalliance with a formidable vocabulary to stammer forth the right, but not too profane, adjectives. Finally, in frustration, she could only ask why in the heck this seemingly clever neighbor ever listened to that enormous blowhard. Why?

I’ve struggled here in the past to try to describe Limbaugh; and each time I’ve walked away with, at minimum, a serious limp. Now that the preeminent professional sports organization in the world has rejected him as a possible owner of a National Football League team, it might be time to revisit the subject and to try a final time to describe the big Rush.

So something draws me back to The Hitchhiker’s Trilogy by Douglas Adams for some assistance. I go specifically to The Restaurant at the End of the Universe and I flip through the pages until I come to the author’s description of Captain Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz, who was designated by the Galactic Hyperspace Planning Council to destroy “the so-called planet Earth.”

Adams tells us that Captain Vogon Jeltz had “a monumentally vile body.” This is some place to begin; however, primarily, one needs to remember always that Jeltz is a Vogon.

“It has been said that Vogons are not above a little bribery and corruption in the same way that the sea in not above the clouds, and this was certainly true in his [Jeltz’s] case. When he heard the words integrity or moral rectitude he reached for his dictionary, and when he heard the chink of ready money in large quantities he reached for the rule book and threw it away.”
The description of the Vogon people so perfectly fits the character of Rush Limbaugh that I am tempted to celebrate my achievement of finally devising an apt depiction of the talking, babbling baboon.

“…the average Vogon will not think twice before doing something so pointlessly hideous to you that you will wish you had never been born – or (if you are a clearer minded thinker) that the Vogon had never been born…. The average Vogon probably wouldn’t even think once. They are simple-minded, thick-willed, slug-brained creatures, and thinking is not really something they are cut out for. Anatomical analysis of the Vogon reveals that its brain was originally a badly deformed, misplaced and dyspeptic liver. The fairest thing you can say about them, then, is that they know what they like, and what they like generally involves hurting people and, whenever possible, getting very angry.”
A Vogon
Yes, that’s it. Rush Limbaugh is a Vogon. He has no sense of the aesthetic. Possibility, hope and optimism are not part of his way of life. Rampant destruction of the possible is primary in the Vogon’s thought pattern. And, the resultant destruction they visit upon people and institutions must, in the manner of the Vogon, be as ugly and disharmonious as possible.

It is not only Limbaugh who has come from Vogon to visit us here on the planet Earth; his fellow Vogonians, James Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld, arrived here aboard the very same spacecraft.
It is the Vogon’s total sense of pessimism, hopelessness and negativity that attracts followers in huge numbers; for, you see, it is far easier to think in the black and white, simplistic and absolute forms of the negative than in the dazzling, blazing and colorful structures of the positive. It is easier to destroy the planet Earth than to establish it as a galactic wonder of the Universe.

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