Under Siege

Besieged! Is that the same thing as under siege? Well, neither is exactly the word I want, but the emails keep pouring in, requesting more and more money for this wild-ass campaign.
by Charlie Leck

I feel like I’m besieged.

Here’s what happens when you give a few bucks here and there to candidates in this political campaign. You keep hearing from them – again and again – asking you for more and more. The number of people asking me to give to the progressive battle right now (to the Democratic Party) has multiplied like the proverbial, over-sexed bunny rabbit. There is simply no end to it.

President Obama tells me he is being outspent in Iowa 2 to 1. “This is critical,” the President shouts in his email. “What I will not abide is getting outspent by a margin that negates all the hard work our volunteers are doing… You’ve already done so much to help this campaign – and I don’t get to tell you enough how grateful I am for that.”

The President warns me that I’m getting close to the maximum donation I can give before the Democratic convention, but he urges me to “go all out” and reach that maximum level.

He tells me it will be because of what I did if we win this election. Oh, brother! I can read what it says on the other side of that coin without turning it over – if we lose it will be because of what I didn’t do!

The Vice President has said, essentially, the same thing. So has Donna Brazil – and Senator John Kerry – and Patrick Gaspard (the Executive Director of the Democratic National Committee) – and Senators, Representatives, National Campaign Managers, State Campaign Managers – and movie stars – and war heroes – and sport celebrities – and… and… and… and… oh, well, you know….

The heat is on! Because those damned Koch brothers keep pouring millions of dollars into this campaign, I get pressured to join the effort to match what they’re doing. How come they haven’t reached the maximum they are allowed to contribute? How come? How come?

Well, we know “how come!” It’s because of those rear-ends on the United States Supreme Court, who, in their dizzying wisdom, equated companies, corporations and political-action-groups with little ole’ individual citizens like I. We little guys are now coming to see that the decision was far more insane and damaging than we ever believed it could be – and we believed from the beginning that it was really pretty bad.

Mr. President, I don’t know – you know! I love you like a brother! I think you’re an extraordinary guy. I know you’re correct on just about all the issues! I feel certain our nation is in good and wise hands with you at the helm! Yet, dang it, sir, you’re pushing me to the brink on this contribution stuff.

If I could just be certain my dollars would make the difference, I’d do it; even though you are asking me to push my political expenditures right to the brink of what I can afford – or what I can not afford. The last time I did that, it was many years ago, as a young and foolish man, in Vegas – and I promised myself I would never do it again! And now, here I am – “stuck in the middle again!”

Clowns to the left of me
Jokers to the right
Here I am, stuck in the middle with you
Yes, I am stuck in the middle with you
And I’m wondering what it is I should do…

Here I am, stuck in the middle with you
Well, you started off with nothing
And you’re proud that you’re a self-made man
And your friends they all come crawlin’
Slap you on the back and say, ‘Please, please’…

Clowns to the left of me
Jokers to the right
Here I am, stuck in the middle with you
Yes, I’m stuck in the middle with you
Stuck in the middle with you
                    [original lyrics by Gerry Rafferty and Joe Egan]

I just don’t know!

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