The Ratings are Declining

A frightening drop in readership has me worried about being fired!
by Charlie Leck

For the last year, readership has been running at about 5,000 per week. I felt pretty good about that. It kept me pumped to write. My bosses were thrilled.

Then, right after the election, readership declined by about 2,000 per week. Wow!

Now, since mid-January, it's down to about 1,000 per week, The ratings sheets don't lie. I can hear little mumblings around here about replacing me. My bosses don't say hello to me. They just speed on by and then I hear that awful, deafening sound of their doors clicking shut. Then there is only lonely silence.

And everyone was worried about the comedians not having George W. Bush to make fun of anymore!

Who have I got to bash? To go on and on about Bush is like beating the proverbial dead horse.

I think my readers have returned to reading the comics; yet...

Doonesbury appears to have the same problem. Last Sunday he was whipping up on the old SUVs -- those dinosaurs of a past age -- and on car salespeople who will give their kids up if it helps them sell an American automobile.

So, who or what can I go after?

I suppose there's Rush Limbaugh; yet, that means I'd probably need to go and listen to him for a while and, frankly, I think getting fired would be less painful than that.

There are also a few old classmates -- from my high school graduating class of 50+ years ago -- who I could really make fun of because they've gone -- you know -- around the bend at a little too high a speed, rolled 'er over and their brains have gone -- you know -- a touch rubbery. Yet, they make up a gratifying percentage of my current readership. I'd be chasing even them away. On the other hand, they're cheap bastards and don't spend any of their money on any of our products. They're always looking for freebies and handouts, which signifies little change from the old high school days.

I guess there's little choice. It'll need to be Obama. I've got to start shredding him and leaving him scattered around the way we tore into Bush. Oh man, they were the good old days. They were like the Nixon days. Remember those? What a sap he was! And what fun he was to kick around.

Maybe poetry is the answer.
I could post 8 to 12 lines of verse everyday. Gooey stuff. You know, Valentine's Day is coming up tomorrow. It might be the perfect day to get started.